Tag: life

Transparency part 2

 

I have been going back and forth on how to write this blog post. I have rewritten it 4 or 5 different ways to approach part two of transparency.

So here is my best shot at it:

For part two of transparency I am just going to talk about how long distance relationships _________. Well, I don’t really have a title.29694679_10209770332168832_2263564410707027597_n.jpg

I know what your thinking. “Jill,  there are a million blogs that talk about long distance relationships. They all say it is  difficult, but easy. You just have make time for each other and blah blah blah.” All of these blogs, pretty much have a “by the book” long distance relationship. One person is “home/ where they met,” while the other person is in the military, or has a new job. Most times the female is the one who is home figuring out ways to make life normal again. If you haven’t noticed my relationship doesn’t fit into that picture at all. We both are out trying to make the best future for our lives. Some of these rules mentioned in the blogs are: Have regular phone calls, “date” each other with date nights. Most importantly, choose times you will be able to see each other.

Well surprise, surprise, Gabe and I don’t get any of those luxuries (at least for the next 7/8 weeks). Gabe has 42 weeks of training after his 10 weeks of basic training. That’s a whole year give or take. That’s a long time regardless of who you are. We don’t get to say, “On this date we will meet here and on this date I will come to you.”  Now, I am in China, and I do have more freedom than someone in the military. But a terrible PLOT TWIST, I have a full-time teaching job and I cannot at any moment just pick up and leave. One thing that has been weighing heavy on my heart is I can not make his Graduation from Basic training or when he has leave for Christmas. But these are realities we knew were a possibility before I left. mmexport1535083630756

A week after Gabe left for basic training I got a nice surprise. As I was rushing out the house, I got a notification from Gabe. I thought it would be at least 9 weeks, until I heard his voice again. I really thought, it had been a mistake or a false notification. As I walked onto the elevator for 19 seconds, time froze. He quickly said everything he could say before he had to leave. I’m not sure how he did it, but for 19 seconds everything stood still. For 19 seconds it didn’t matter that I couldn’t sleep for the first week we couldn’t talk. It didn’t matter that I was running late for work, it didn’t matter that all I had been wanting for a week was a good morning message from him. That message was a small amount of relief that made a world of a difference. Of course, 5 seconds later my motorbike started making a streaking high alarm sound and refused to turn off. China has a way of ruining happy moments.

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Its always raining in China Gotta wear a rain poncho.

As I’ve said before, long distance relationships are terrible, probably the hardest thing to ask two people to do. Adding the influence of the military and someone who is trying to explore the world it is absolute madness. But in those short moments, things seem to be okay. The first two weeks were extremely tough. I couldn’t quite get any motivation to do anything. Although we have been apart for roughly 2 and ½ months our new normal was difficult. The person who has become one of my main support systems is being challenged in ways I couldn’t imagine. I knew I had to figure out my own ways of cooping, that would make this extreme long distance, not as difficult. Several ways I’ve been cooping is keeping my self busy by going to the gym everyday, cooking new recipes, and drinking tea. I am now a sophisticate girlfriend because I drink tea. 20180831_094624.jpg

Some days  I wonder will our lives ever line up. I’ve questioned my move to China on more than one occasion. I’ve questioned, do I really need to feed my desires to live abroad, or could I have made it work back in the States. The reality is even if I was back in the states, maybe I would have been able to see him graduate, and maybe I would see him at Christmas. Although that in its own is rewarding the other half of my heart would feel empty. Having a long-distance relationship isn’t all bad we are able to figure out our individual selves to become better people. If I am being 100% transparent, some days I enjoy being away. But other days its the worse thing in the world.

 

I will postpone Part 3 of being transparent. I am going to post about China in my next blog.

Until next time

Stay Awesome

Jill

Transparency: A Career or Love

 

I am trying something new and being totally transparent.

This will be a 3 part blog

39094968_1859541887448471_8687169907097337856_nmini series.

Part 1 : A Relationship or my Career

Over the last few weeks every spare moment I had to myself, my mind has been racing. A million and ten questions and doubts have flooded my brain. Many of these doubts have attacked my love life and my purpose in life. Am I where I want to be in life? How can I inspire people if I cant even find inspiration myself? How can someone love me if I am half way around the globe? How can I possibly stay in a relationship while I work in a developing country?

I have for YEARS said that anyone that I will date/marry will know from the beginning that my purpose in life is to help in a developing country. This means I will be traveling the world and many times will be away for long periods of time. And if they had ANY issue with me full-filling my purpose they could leave. From the moment I realized my goals, I made that point very clear. Every time I met someone the very first thing they learned about me was I will travel until the day I die.39186499_930315210503635_6519978930508660736_n

The deal was every summer until I graduate I’ll be away and the moment I graduate college I will go teach in another country. Now over the years, the country has changed and the people who surrounded me have been different, but the end goal has stayed the same. After a few broken hearts and many tears, I came to the conclusion having a love life and actively pursuing my dreams was impossible. I began telling people, “If you see me in 7 years and I’m living in a 3rd world country with 2 fostered/adopted children, just know I’m living my best life.”

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Now your probably thinking I said this a long time ago…..Nope. I said this exactly a year ago. Although that truly is living the dream, it isn’t fully what I desired. I wanted someone that would encourage me to chase my dreams no matter how ridiculous.  I wanted someone to not be afraid of the world no matter how scary it could be. I wanted someone to love God just as much as they loved me. I wanted someone to look at my flaws and see how we could turn them into strengthens. I wanted someone to see that my brain worked a little differently. I wanted someone to read my terrible text messages and understand that my brain works faster than my fingers. Most importantly, I wanted someone to love me for me and not think that over time my mind will change.

I had given up on finding that, not in a sense that I would be

39167121_1108043876010114_3967853395506626560_nalone for forever, but I would have to sacrifice my love life and chase my dreams.  And then I met Gabriel, (Gabe for short) I wont tell you the long boring story, but I will say he doesn’t make me have to choose. He understands that there is this burning passion inside of me and simply supports me. A year ago when we met, I knew I would be in China come May 2018 and he would be leaving for the military. Knowing that we both had passions and desires that potentially would keep us separate for a long time, we continued to pursue the relationship.

We never truly prepared for the distance instead we just let it hit us like a train. Long distance does not have all the thrills, but I still manage to love him from 10,000 miles away.
In this three part Transparency mini Saga I will be letting you into the world of Jill. Part two will be how I cope with long distance, and part 3 will be long waited life updates.
Until Next time
Stay Awesome
Jill