I am trying something new and being totally transparent.
This will be a 3 part blog
Part 1 : A Relationship or my Career
Over the last few weeks every spare moment I had to myself, my mind has been racing. A million and ten questions and doubts have flooded my brain. Many of these doubts have attacked my love life and my purpose in life. Am I where I want to be in life? How can I inspire people if I cant even find inspiration myself? How can someone love me if I am half way around the globe? How can I possibly stay in a relationship while I work in a developing country?
I have for YEARS said that anyone that I will date/marry will know from the beginning that my purpose in life is to help in a developing country. This means I will be traveling the world and many times will be away for long periods of time. And if they had ANY issue with me full-filling my purpose they could leave. From the moment I realized my goals, I made that point very clear. Every time I met someone the very first thing they learned about me was I will travel until the day I die.
The deal was every summer until I graduate I’ll be away and the moment I graduate college I will go teach in another country. Now over the years, the country has changed and the people who surrounded me have been different, but the end goal has stayed the same. After a few broken hearts and many tears, I came to the conclusion having a love life and actively pursuing my dreams was impossible. I began telling people, “If you see me in 7 years and I’m living in a 3rd world country with 2 fostered/adopted children, just know I’m living my best life.”
Now your probably thinking I said this a long time ago…..Nope. I said this exactly a year ago. Although that truly is living the dream, it isn’t fully what I desired. I wanted someone that would encourage me to chase my dreams no matter how ridiculous. I wanted someone to not be afraid of the world no matter how scary it could be. I wanted someone to love God just as much as they loved me. I wanted someone to look at my flaws and see how we could turn them into strengthens. I wanted someone to see that my brain worked a little differently. I wanted someone to read my terrible text messages and understand that my brain works faster than my fingers. Most importantly, I wanted someone to love me for me and not think that over time my mind will change.
I had given up on finding that, not in a sense that I would be
alone for forever, but I would have to sacrifice my love life and chase my dreams. And then I met Gabriel, (Gabe for short) I wont tell you the long boring story, but I will say he doesn’t make me have to choose. He understands that there is this burning passion inside of me and simply supports me. A year ago when we met, I knew I would be in China come May 2018 and he would be leaving for the military. Knowing that we both had passions and desires that potentially would keep us separate for a long time, we continued to pursue the relationship.