Everything in life is seen from a perspective, what I perceive as awesome and amazing, you may not see or feel the same way. How I react in a situation can completely change an outcome to a situation.
I know everyone has been waiting to know about my life here in China, but I guess I was trying to grasp the correct perspective on how I feel about China. China is a big busy country, and the city/provenance that I live in, Huadu, is much bigger than I thought. Life in china is very different, but also similar. I didn’t know anything about Chinese culture, or how people act, or how people perceive foreigners before arriving. I arrived with a clear slate ready to conquer China.
While that ship sank really fast, I had to grasp how I felt about china.
Here are two times were perspective was key:
- When I first arrived in Guangzhou, I was going to stay in a small one bedroom flat. The toilet was a hole in the ground with the kitchen in the same room as the bathroom. As soon as I saw my “apartment” and 5 bugs came walking across the floor to greet me, I cried. I felt like I wasn’t made for this life, I felt defeated. I was ready to pack my bags and go home. (I get this feeling often in new places.) Everyone I talked to simply said, “But didn’t you live in Africa why is China freaking you out? ” That was their perspective on how I should have felt.Now almost 2 months later, when I think back to those moments there were many factors that lead to those feelings. The larger view of that day was: Earlier I had missed my flight, due to not looking at the correct airport. I spent 10 extra hours at the airport and I didn’t get to my “apartment” until 4 in the morning. I was sleep deprived, and emotionally drained.
My judgement was clouded, and it made me emotional. Although I only spent less than 6 hours total in that apartment, I moved out, found a completely new apartment and moved in immediately. I was dramatic, the first apartment was okay, it needed some fixing up, but I would of survived.
I simply reacted. Instead of looking at all the factors in the equation.
- My experience teaching. The first time I taught a class I realized teaching English in China is flashy and showy. There isn’t a lot of substance being taught. We play games, read a flash card and sing songs, but everything is memorization. I started to feel depressed, and that I wasn’t walking in my purpose. I didn’t know how to teach to strictly memorization, or exactly what the schools wanted from me. All these emotions were ranging through me, causing me to question my move to China.
I needed to take a step back to gather my thoughts. I had to remember why i came to China. I didn’t come to conquer the world or change educational policies here. I simply came to make money and experience a new culture. Once I grounded myself life became easier.
The first few weeks I hated everything about China, there weren’t any trees, I never saw the sun, I didn’t understand anything, the grocery store was overwhelming, no one sold chicken. It was all too much. But this was my perspective because everything was new and insanely different. After slowing everything down, making a few friends, life became easier. I’m not stressed about much and I can plan travels for the future and just enjoy life for once. I can just focus on Jill for a little while and figure out my next moves. I know this blog may have taken a while but there will be many more to come.
Life’s a bit different
But life is still new and exciting.
And each day Ill experience something amazing
4 thoughts on “It Takes a Little Time”
Thank you for this! Your message on perspective is clear and impactful. What a wonderful update.
Glad to hear that your life became easier as soon as you started settling down.
“Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned
before a single one of them began.”
God knows exactly where you are, what you’re feeling, and everything you’re dealing with! He is with you to lead, guide, and comfort you! Don’t be discouraged! Seek and you will find. Ask and you will receive. Knock and the door will be opened. (Matt 7:7)
Chin up, Jill! The Lord will direct you! I love you always!!